6/15/2012 Excellent website for CaregiversI just came across a really excellent website, with a tremendous wealth of resources for caregivers. It is www.caring.com and it features the trademarked subheading: You're there for them. We're here for you!, which I think really says it all.
The article that caught my attention initially is one titled, "Five 10-minute pick-me-ups for Caregiver Stress", which has some great suggestions for quick stress relief. There are also some 5-minute pick me ups, if you are pressed for time :) Their site map headings include Senior Housing, Caregiving at Home, Health A-Z, Money & Legal, Cargiver Wellness, and My Caring (your personalized info and logon) . Some of these topics have already been featured in this blog, some are new, all are good ideas. So, happy exploring! This site has a great deal of depth, and a huge range of caregiver issues, so it will take you a while to investigate all it has to offer. I've signed up for their email newsletter, so will keep you posted as to how good that is, as well. I want to share a bit of humorous coping that helped me keep my sense of balance during extremely stressful times. Two things come to mind: my second childhood craziness, and my escape plan.
I experienced a sort of "second childhood", just prior to taking on full time caregiving responsibilities. There were indications of the way events were heading and it was pretty scary. So I retreated by revisiting the simple, safe, happy childhood memories which allowed me to prepare for the shift in roles that often happens between adult child and elderly parent as the aging and/or dementia process unfolds. I took comfort in remembering the joys of childhood past, as a way of girding myself for irrevocable adult caregiver future. For me, this second childhood expressed in the desire to reread my favorite books, (the Walter Farley Black Stallion series, Nancy Drew mysteries, Albert Payson Terhune's wonderful books about collies, among others). OK, that part was pretty normal, very comforting and not too embarrassing, since I could buy those books as if they were gifts for children as indeed some of them became. The other expressions of this were a little harder to keep under wraps. I started collecting Beanie Babies and Barbie dolls! Yup! Whacky blend of second childhood hitting at midlife crisis? Maybe, but I figure the retro toys of my childhood were both cheaper and less self-destructive than some typical coping or midlife crisis behavior. Better to turn to books & beanies for comfort rather than booze & bingeing. Thankfully, this slightly weird obsession with childhood didn't last long. My other sort of unique coping skill was my escape bag. I kept a packed duffel bag of emergency clothes and supplies in my car at all times, just in case I decided to run away. Of course, I never actually did execute my emergency escape plan, but it imparted a powerful sense of control and possible options just to see that bag there "in case". A harmless, helpful fantasy to get me through the rough places. I have not yet managed to pry similar confessions from other caregivers as to their own slightly odd coping tricks, but I'm sure you all have stories & secrets to tell. So, spill! You are among friends (not to mention, anonymous) here, so go ahead and share your own coping strategies and foibles. I'm all ears! 5/23/2012 Utopia for CaregiversIf you could design the perfect retreat for stressed out caregivers -- a place which was nurturing, and inherently a place of healing -- providing both a quiet respite and tools for coping with burnout and stress -- what would it look like? What features would be most important to you? Would it be close to the ocean or water body of some kind? In the mountains? In a peaceful, rural setting? With acres of forest to walk and lose yourself in natural beauty?
I am not just asking random questions here, but rather shaping an idea, a concept, for just such a retreat. I envision a place where you can completely disconnect from all demands on you -- where there is silence, if that is what you need - without the endless chatter and background noise of TV and radio, but instead, there is soothing, peaceful, de-stressing music available. There would be plenty of natural settings, lots of open space, a chance to be with others or be solitary according to your needs and wishes. There would be time for stargazing, wool-gathering, sitting fireside or poolside according to season. There would be tailored programs to teach about various proven stress reduction techniques such as yoga, Tai Chi, massage, meditation & relaxation. There would be information and practical tips as to how your diet can support your health (and by extension, that of your loved one for whom you are caring). There would be gardens growing the plants for these healthy foods (envision blueberries, pomegranates, walnuts, tumeric, lavender, sunflowers, and other antioxidant fruits, seeds, herbs and spices.) You could participate in the gardening if you feel drawn to immerse yourself in that special timeless therapy of nurturing growing plants and getting your hands in the soil. There would be a counselor on hand -- skilled in helping people reduce stress and find empowerment and clarity. Does this place sound like a perfect Paradise to you? Me, too! I am currently designing this retreat for Caregivers seeking a chance to renew themselves, learn specific helpful stress relief techniques, exercises, and develop the skills needed to nourish themselves, body, mind & spirit -- to support optimum health and inner peace as they accomplish their caregiving in the most joyful way possible. I would love your input and ideas. It is my desire to make this accessible, not a five-star resort, but more a comforting, cozy, peaceful retreat, available to those who most need it. Please leave your feedback and share your own vision for such a place that it can inform and inspire. This place is for you, the caregiver, and with the right sense of purpose and filling the need, it will become reality. Soon. It's actually there already, just awaiting the foundations under the dream. 3/14/2012 Stress, meditation and self-help, oh my!I just posted a link on the resource page for a new study at UCLA Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior which had very promising results on a small group of caregivers. They showed marked improvements in both cognitive function and lower levels of depression after using Kirtan Kriya yoga meditation for a 12-minute daily session over an 8 week period.
The control group used only soft, relaxing music, without the chanting meditation, and showed significantly less of a result. This is pretty amazing that it's possible to have a strong positive impact in 12 minutes a day with something that is basically free and easy to do. I'm intrigued by this, since I have been a student of yoga and meditation for many years. Yet, while I was in the midst of the worst stress of the caregiving role, I strangely abandoned those precious tools which would have helped to keep me in balance. Why? Self-sabotage? Perhaps. Burnout? Quite likely. When you find yourself in a prolonged, stressful situation the choices you make may not be rational because of the combined effects of fatigue, depression, ill health, frustration and guilt. The toxic mix of emotions can undermine even the strongest psyche, wearing it down like flowing water wears rock over time. Think, Grand Canyon, here. Caregiving stress is very similar in that it happens gradually, over a period of time, and you might not notice that your coping skills are deteriorating -- or, worse, you might notice and still not be able to make a good decision to rectify the situation. It's that sense of powerlessness, helplessness in the face of the situation, that is so significant and the point at which this entire website/blog is directed. If you find yourself in that "hanging-on-at-the-end-of-your-rope" place, and seriously considering letting go as an option, this lifeline is for YOU! I am putting together a series of short video meditations just for caregivers, so that you will have some guidance to do your daily 12-minute work toward finding balance, calm, and even your own inner peace again! Stay tuned. |
About Karen
Karen is a compassionate, enthusiastic student of life, who cared for her mother for 17 years. She brings her insights, compassion, experience and desire to share knowledge and healing to this ongoing conversation with others on the caregiving path. If you are caring for a parent, spouse, friend or other loved one this site offers sanity-saving tips, open-hearted self-care ideas, and an open forum for discussion, connection and sharing resources for the journey. Archives
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